WHY YOU SHOULDN'T RESPOND TO CHAIN EMAILS

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T RESPOND TO CHAIN EMAILS

If you send this message off to 20 people within the next 4 days, and each of them send it off to 20 other people within 4 days...

In 40 days, approximately 10 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet.

From day 40 to day 44, an additional 200 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 50 trillion messages per day.

From day 44 to 48, an additional 4,000 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 1,000 trillion messages a day, 41.7 trillion messages per hour, 694 billion messages per minute, or 11.6 billion messages per second.

Of course, the Internet will have ground to a complete halt way before then, and a good thing too, because by day 44 (assuming each man, woman and child in the world is tied to the Internet) you would have to respond to about 2 chain email letters per second, sending off 20 responses each second, giving you 5/100 of a second to send each message. If you drop the ball, you will break about 1,800,000 chain letters per day, bringing almost two million times the bad luck upon yourself than if you broke the first chain letter to begin with.

The logical conclusion? It is better to break the initial chain letter and receive one dose of bad luck than to continue the chain letter, and by day 44, receive 1,800,000 doses of bad luck.

I knew one poor fellow who ended up in such a circumstance. He ended up having 287,345 heart attacks, losing 5,137 wives, got fired from at least 100,000 jobs, and was run over by a truck. His Visa card was also revoked. Nobody liked him anymore. He finally ended up committing suicide 459 times, but he was so unlucky, he was never successful. Finally, he resigned to the idea of not dying, and was immediately hit by a meteorite and vaporized. But his cells went on to experience even more bad luck.

TOP EIGHT SIGNS YOU'RE TOO OLD TO BE TRICK OR TREATING

TOP EIGHT SIGNS YOU'RE TOO OLD TO BE TRICK OR TREATING

8. You get winded from knocking on the door.

7. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

6. You ask for high fiber candy only.

5. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

4. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

3. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

2. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

1. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

TURKEY RIDDLES - So bad, they're good...

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up?

'Cause they wear their belts on their hats!

What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?

Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!!

What is the Turkey's favorite black tie celebration?

The Butter Ball

What do you get when you cross a turkey, the beach, and Broomhilda?

A turkey sand-witch

What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to?

Plymouth Rock

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

The outside

Why do turkeys eat so little?

Because they are always stuffed

Why did the turkey cross the road?

It was the chicken's day off.

What key has legs and can't open doors?

Tur-key.

A Day in the Life of a Dead Horse

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

1.  Buying a stronger whip.

2.  Changing riders.

3.  Threatening the horse with termination.

4.  Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5.  Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6.  Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

7.  Appointing an intervention team to reanimate the dead horse.

8.  Creating a training session to increase the riders load share.

9.  Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

10.  Change the form so that it reads: "This horse is not dead."

11.  Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

12.  Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.

13.  Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its full original cost.

14.  Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.

15.  Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve productivity.

16.  Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses run faster.

17.  Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.

18.  Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.

19.  Rewrite the expected performance requirements for horses.

20.  Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Discussing Cussing

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.

"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"

The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, "Mister, you've got yourself a deal."

The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it.  He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.  The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."

The little boy said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started."

The preacher said, "I'm a minister, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't even remember how to cuss."

The little boy looked at him happily and said, "Just keep pulling on that string.  It'll come back to ya."